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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

if i had wings, i'd spy

a man cloaked in dust bitten rays skip down the rude lit hall
as a voice calls to him run your fitful bow across my cracked
teacup mouth and draw forth a loosed leaf smile at first
i dismiss it as contrived twaddle one might hear in settings
where silk roses bloom on synthetic counter islands or
a cloth lily wrecks on its maiden voyage mid-way through
a copper sink’s bounded blue but cigarette tip joy burns
peep holes into my cottony resistance it’s a compact thrill
as dense as the peach pit my tooth struck to chip that once
such piquant frissons dissipate into damply aromatic trickles
when the man replies with a tartly rolled lavender bud ready
to burst its pink i’ve the heart of a wobbly kneed boy about
to pull back the tulle cloud on an auburn morn’s feathery
bathers petaled girdle strewn on the slippery rock path
leads up to her dewy lap where luminescent splayed fingers
lay printed hymns when ash trimmed logs fall from his fatty
lips i take the house sparrow’s hasty cue to flap a skyward
exit out from the bony white glow of his unfulfilling promises


At Rallentanda's blog this week, the POW prompt asks us to create a "spotlight poem" (one for which we'll have to answer to commenter's questions) based on 30 words she cleverly arranged on the back of the nude in Man Ray's famous photograph. Check out the other poet's spotlights to get in on the fun.

I don't know what to call this new form I'm playing within, but something about it appeals to me. I'm sure I'll get tired of it, but for now the freedom of these run-on lines feels like the wind's blasting.

10 comments:

vivienne blake said...

I haven't a clue what this is about - it seems to be a cross between James Joyce and ee cummings!

My favourite bit is: "as dense as the peach pit my tooth struck to chip that once
such piquant frissons dissipate into damply aromatic trickles." - it's the weird juxtaposition of the practical of the peach pit with the sexual hints that follow.

brenda w said...

Francis, You rocked the words! I get the feeling of a young boy meeting an undesirable man, perhaps a step-father?

Rallentanda said...

If I had wings,i'd spy with you!
Intoxicating beautiful lines .Too many to quote.Best poem I have read for ages.You leave us all in the shade!
PS
Don't know what it means or what it is about...just know it is lovely to read.

Unknown said...

Well I don't know what it's about either, Francis but enjoyed much of the phrasing, including that Viv pointed out as well as
"to pull back the tulle cloud on an auburn morn’s feathery
bathers petaled girdle"

and the loose leaf smile!

flaubert said...

Francis I have no clue what is about but as Rallentanda said
it is intoxicating filled with beautiful lines!
Pamela

human being said...

think this is a spy's report about what he has seen through peep holes that cigarette tip joy has burned into his cottony resistance...

it has been a compact thrill... so it needs some dilution to be understood...

:D

have you ever heard the sound of snow thawing? this reminds me of that sound...

enjoyable! every bit/beat of it...

Francis Scudellari said...

@Viv Joyce and cummings is a pretty lethal combination (and a cool one).

@Brenda I didn't have specific characters in mind, but I don't think the narrative voice is meant to be a child, though maybe an innocent. You're picking up on a bit of envy, I think.

@Rall I'm glad you liked it so much, the words just seem to fall in place based on what you had put on the photograph. I wouldn't say there's a meaning as much as a feeling.

@Derrick Honestly, I didn't sit down and plan that it was going to be about anything in particular, I just had images that the word choices evoked and I went with those.

@Pamela Thanks... sometimes beautiful things aren't about anything :).

@hb Yes, I'd say the feeling behind it is that of a voyeur, and that's often how I feel when I look at a piece of art. We get a good amount of snow here, and it always thaws. Right now I'm melting a bit in the heat, so maybe that's where the sound came from :D.

barbara said...

yum

Stan Ski said...

Someone trying hard to resist the temptation of tabboo, while fearing being caught at it, wishes he had wings to make a swift exit ...?
I think the word 'frisson' is the main theme of the piece.
Excellent post!

Wayne Pitchko said...

guess Im only one that gets it Francis.....you have become a Wings fan....given up on the Hawks....I think your confusing poem is delightful and will read it to my partner in bed tonite......she never gets my poems.....soooooo.....anyways...happy trails my friend