Friday, July 09, 2010

Putting an end to this bad pun, There’s no I in steam

I like to visualize my death
not as a grand moment
fraught with TV-script intimations
at sudden illumination
while I’m encircled by a non-weepy
sprinkling of the usual types:
one surviving relative
curious to see what I’ve got
left to inherit; one forgotten
friend dubious I hadn’t
died quite some time ago;
and one vengeful stranger
anxious for the shock
when I hear her unmask.
No, I envision my death simply
as the lonely release
of a hardly noticeable puff,
its minute droplets lifting
to mix with every other
ever breathed, and bid adieu
to my residue of befuddling
puddles flecked with unresolved bits.

This week's prompt at Big Tent Poetry takes inspiration from The Love-Hat Relationship by Aaron Belz, asking us to take a common phrase and make it "go a little sideways." There's no better cliché to send off-track than a sports cliché.


Anonymous said...

Oh, I really like this poem. Have had many similar thoughts, except for the usual line-up of supporting actors, which, by the way, you brought to life with so few words. Loved it and particularly the ending.


Tumblewords: said...

No, I envision my death simply
as the lonely release
of a hardly noticeable puff,

A pensive image. Enjoyed this piece!

Mary said...

In contrast, I find I like to visualize my life...and hope I continue to live it to the fullest for many years to come. Death will come when it does.

Unknown said...

There are worse endings that joining every other breath breathed!

Stan Ski said...

There's no 'i' in death - only in life...

flaubert said...

Francis I really enjoyed this poem
a pensive idea!

human being said...

i might have missed something here... but this feels like 'self'-lamenting sufi talks to me...

this death is a rebirth... and how beautifully it is illustrated through original images!

mareymercy said...

How did I miss this yesterday? Great imagery and lyrical language. Love it.

Deb said...

Heh. You may have struggled with this one (sorry! it was harder than I thought it would be, at least for me) but it's a winner!

So glad you took on this cliche! The poem is rich with meaning and fabulous sounds. I particularly like the punch of p's and b's at the closing sequence.

Francis Scudellari said...

@Elizabeth Thanks... I'm guessing no one really encounters those actors :).

@Sue It was me trying to be a little zen for a change.

@Mary I don't actually like to visualize my death, it was just a poetic device.

@Derrick agreed

@Stan exactly

@Pamela I'll have to lighten things up for the next one.

@hb I hope it's more self-releasing than lamenting. Rebirth or transition?

@Twitches I'm a ninja poet... easy to miss :).

@Deb It was an interesting prompt, it just took me forever to think of a suitably twistable phrase.

evelyn.n.alfred said...

I need to get my act together and be active on Big Tent. Thanks for sharing your poem.

human being said...

sufis say self-lament, scientists say self-release... sufis say rebirth, sicientits say transition...

i like the scientists' jargons much better...


irene said...

Never ever visualised it. Your piece totally caught my attention. Enjoyed your words.