This is the second part of my latest in-progress poem. I finished composing it while sleep-deprived, so it may not make much sense.
Two Souls, Twin Lives
By Francis Scudellari
II.
Their arced escape route etched
with quick silver
on velvet, ends tap'ring
to finger tips
that will trace a path back
one day, but now's
distance exhausted, they
splash in blue soup,
swirled till cooled in a cup
of moth'ring clay,
and, nourished on forgetting,
grow buoyant limbs
to slowly drift apart
8 comments:
And so in life we almost always do the secret to find the path back.
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Beautiful...achingly beautiful and deeply sensual
Linda
The last three lines are masterful, both in language and rhythm. I might worry about phrases like "dewy drop" and "a path homeward" just because they seem that little bit more clichéd than the rest of the poem.
@Dorothy Thanks for the comment. I'm trying to write a type of alternative, original myth-poem, but not sure how much of it will come across.
@Linda Not bad for something written with no sleep :).
@Fiendish I agree completely... but it was very late and I wanted to post it before I left on my trip. I'll tweak it some before finishing the next part. Thanks for the feedback.
Poem revised today ... I hope for the better.
Wonderfully sensitive poem!
I love these lines:
"Their arced escape route etched
with quick silver"
The imagery is also stunning.
Thanks,
Jenny
@Jenny Thank you so much... there are still more parts of it to come, so I hope the rest will impress you as much.
I like its charming lines. I still can interpret it my own way.
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