Here's the second installment of my poem Oranges for Three Loves (Part I is here). I'm trying to do a better job of balancing the flow, imagery and word play. I too often sacrifice on the first. I have an idea for another related drawing that I'll try to post before Part III.
II. Striped Dawning
Home on morn's edge, a first love he soon sights
her narrow white face with blush-dabbed features,
the tall swab of swirled scarlet hair atop,
a bobbing tongue that bounces into view
At striped dawning, he, perhaps too eager,
reaches into his bag with halting hand.
An under-ripe gift he blurts out to her,
offered wholly careless, green-tipped, unpeeled
She takes it, and rolls it in slender hands
thumbs inspecting it, a bit misshapen,
bumps and crevices around knobby stem...
no fruit for her, nose upturned, she walks on
6 comments:
Oh this is very clever, you or am I reading more into her than what I should *wink*
I find this to be very delightful Francis.
It is much simpler than the usual fare you offer us. Yet it is so very descriptive and charming.
I envision a little girl with pig tails and a little boy with the most sincere heart.
Perhaps I am just of simple mind and I am missing something.
But, I love this one!!
Happy weekend!!:-)
Very nice!
Usually, the sequel will tempt you and make you want to scream, "What the f&@#$ is going to happen next?"
You did it! That's how I see it.
Well done Francis!
I hope you'll nail the last installment of your poem. No pressure man, he he he!
Z
P.S. I like how you played with the words.
@Sarah I don't think you can ever read too much into the things I write :). I'm glad you like it.
@Shinade Thanks! I'm trying to pattern it after the opera/fable "The love for three oranges" so the attempt at simplicity is intentional. Happy weekend to you too.
@Zorlone I'm glad it didn't disappoint you. There are actually two parts (and loves) left still. I hope they are equally satisfying :)
I sense a "snob"? if I listen to my green mind, then....oops...
Brilliant poem as usual, Francis.
@Jena A bit snobbish with her upturned nose, yes.
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