I. Love
Words long lost in her mind's murky reverb,
until she discovers them, tucked inside
a tar-black disk's wax-spun groove she pulls from
once-stiff paper sleeves stacked in messy piles
Monday, February 09, 2009
Looking for an opening
Below is my halting attempt at the opening lines for a poem that I've been struggling to finish over the past several weeks. Generally, I try to write the beginning and closing stanzas first. Then, it's easier for me to create the story arc that connects the two. This is a bit of a different style for me, so I'd appreciate some feedback on the first few lines before I get too much further into it. Stay tuned also for a drawing that should be ready to post by tomorrow.
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7 comments:
This one paints a picture, I can't seem to fathom. But I like how you presented the imagery; like some writing gurus would say to writers: "Show your readers, don't tell."
Keep posting and God bless.
Keep at it! Your start is strong!
Hi Francis,
I have already used the ghost image at Associated Content with one of my poems. It's a simple poem, but I hope you'll like it. Thanks for allowing me to use your drawing.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1465096/come_back_to_me_my_love.html?cat=42
Hi Francis!
fortissimo concetto!
una donna è qualunque, finchè non scopre lei le parole d'amore..però la scenografia è dentro te e solo te....lei ne è ignara, non sa nulla.. tu è soltanto tu ami, ma la fai l'artefice.
Non so se mi spiego in italiano semplifivato
@Jena I think as I write more, the picture should become clearer. I am trying to do more story telling with in my poems. You're welcome to use any drawing you like, any time. I'm flattered that you want to use them :)
@Tom Thanks! I'll push ahead soon.
@Hanna Ciao! I think you're on the right track, but I still have much more to write :).
Interesting. I usually start from the beginning and build. Honestly, I can't see much difference in style then what you usually do but I like it :-) Curious to see the whole piece.
~JD
@JD I think it's different mostly in subject matter, and I'm trying to be a bit more realistic than usual, but that will be more apparent when I post the whole thing.
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