Thursday, February 03, 2011

Goodbye, hello

To be very blunt, this isn't working. I'm out of whack. A ghost, with a fading voice and a haunted step.

I've invested much of myself in this virtual enterprise, with absolutely no expectation of a return. It's helped me in many ways, and I don't regret it. I could never abandon it completely, but the time has come to change gears and seek balance.

Being of the world, I need to go back into the world. I've tried to be so totally available here in this simulacrum of a world, dedicated myself so thoroughly to it, that I've withdrawn too much from the real one.

What does it mean? What's next? I won't stop writing. I could never do that. I know. I've tried. But I've come to recognize that what I write is lacking too much of the real world too. There will be fewer posts. Fewer tweets. Fewer Facebook statuses. Fewer blog visits.

In short, I can't be as present as I am here, and also be present "out there." And being totally present here is damaging me. There are big changes going on in the world right now, and I can't just be a spectator to them anymore. I need to participate.

I'm lucky, in a sense, to be alone. I have no real obligations that tie me to a particular location. I have the freedom (though maybe not the funds) to wander, and explore, and discover. I only lack a plan to put it all in motion.
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