where we were headed,
but the sidewalk did,
and its smells had been
liberated by a hot summer rinse.
You grabbed at my pendulum
arm, and jerked
me back before
the gap grew us
out of being a couple.
My penance was
a hair-shirt stare
and a smack with that saw:
"Life's about the journey,
not the destination."
"Sure," I said, "but the end's
a crappy cul-de-sac.
I wanna see what I can
before we smash
against it."
You summed me up,
mouthing the three letters
you drew on my chest,
still not-chastened:
"A-D-D, Humming bird."
"There's no deficit
of attention here, Old Crow.
It's just this
plugged-up world's got
a surplus of stimuli."
It was one week
later you left,
taking a whole
slew of savory inputs
to the blank without you.
"Everything
happens for a reason,"
you'd tell me.
Knowing the cause,
never changes my effects.
This week's prompt at Big Tent Poetry suggests writing a "Conversation Poem." I cobbled together this anecdote of imaginary call and response.
21 comments:
This is terrific - the kind of disjointed conversation one has on a walk. The stanza where a leaves b is particularly resonant: "taking a whole
slew of savory inputs
to the blank without you."
He needs to get off that dead end street and get on the freeway.
I love it! Each verse is an entire conversation, unspoken yet totally defined by your choice of words and imagery.
Elizabeth
think you should have gone through one of those rare alchemical changes to write this brilliant piece... there is no trace of that engineer-minded Francis who tried to have everything under control... just a flowing soul creating a sense of resonating deja vu through his words and emotions...
think this is the best i read written by you...
knowing
flying with no wings
:)
The first stanza starts us on that journey where we don't know the destination either but I really enjoyed the words and images along the way!
Wonderful poem. I especially liked the last stanza! So true.
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2010/07/true-tale.html
Quite frankly I think you are better off without someone who sprouts this pop claptrap psychology.'Life is about the journey' and'everything happens for a reason'and on and on.You are far too intelligent to suffer this Oprah Winfrey type of nonsense Francis!
I love your use of language here - so many musical phrases that fit well together. "hair-shirt stare"; "surplus of stimuli." etc. And I love the scarlet A+DD across your chest, to.
You did a really fine job of letting us in on the war between two different schools of thought. (He's better off without her!)
I liked the idea of life being a cul-de-sac...
Great poem from begining to end. I loved the opening and I love how you can take sides with either of these two but not be entirely wrong in doing so. Thank you for sharing.
I find that I can add little to the above comments except that I enjoyed it as well. A full picture with few strokes...well done.
Francis, Your dialog is dead on and funny. "Knowing" is full of pointed one liners.
So glad I'm not out there dating! Endings, even when welcome, suck.
I love the way thoughts rub in this, scatter into words that ricochet into happenings. Terrific read!
Francis an amazing piece!
And I cannot say much more than anyone else except he is better off without her!
Pamela
Thank heaven the bitch left! Wonderful poem, funny and well written.
I love the pace of this poem. Great job!
Really enjoyed the sounds & pacing. So many great parts, and as been said, each stanza works so wonderfully. Especially "slew of savory inputs/
to
the blank without you.."
I'm laughing at Diane T's comment. :)
Loved this comment observation:
It's just this
plugged-up world's got
a surplus of stimuli.
Ain't it grand? Great descriptions: "hair-shirt stare", e.g. Wonderful!
@viv My conversations tend to be disjointed no matter where they take place :).
@Stan Exactly.
@Elizabeth Thanks... it's amazing what my mind can sometimes cook up.
@hb It's good to slip the grip of the engineer occasionally :D
@Derrick That's pretty much every journey I take :).
@Mary Thanks!
@Rall No worries... it's a fictional break up. No one actually talks like that, do they? Not even Oprah.
@Twitches I hadn't made that scarlet letter connection... I'm glad you pointed it out.
@Cynthia All relationships probably involve some amount of intellectual clashes.
@Robert I think it's always safer to take the woman's side ;).
@Mark Thanks!
@Brenda I'm not really "out there" either, though I probably should be. Yes, endings do really suck, and beginnings can be difficult too. There has to be a way to dwell only in the middle.
@Sue I worry my thoughts scatter more than my words do :).
@Pamela That seems to be the prevailing wisdom, but I think she may also be better off without him.
@Diane Well, I think he may not be giving you the most flattering portrait of her.
@Erin Thanks!
@Deb I think that was my inner geek showing.
wonderful--- a sweet intertwining of the whimsical and the likely....
nicely done!
Nice interpretation of the prompt.
http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com
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