gaudy-full if unfulfilling. … It spins in
purple prose. … It tastes of bon-bon
mots. … It won’t suppose the inky
murmurs squirming below it,
or those secret scents that rise in goodbye-
giving waves ... or those
undulate and aqua misunderstandings
misgiving further underneath.
Ours is a blank-space world. ... It’s always
facing West, its face made-up
with gunpowder daubs. … Its head
is traced on one side by Queen Anne’s
lace, the other bullet baubles. … Its mind
is stripped of all naked-mole
rat thoughts. ... They’re the ones who might
burrow blind but unafraid
to love a common, unadorned heart.
10 comments:
Ouch! That one stings, but it hurts so good. You had me from "blissful abyss". I loved your wordplay and the flow of thoughts and images. Our culture is a gaudy tart, and you nailed it.
Richard
I love the way you play with words and word-order. This poem is full of fascinating images.
This is one of those poems with a plethera of lines which make me want to expand them into long poems. Wonderful, visual images.
Interesting poem and nice use of alliteration. I particularly liked
the ominous warning in
'the secret scent in those goodbye giving waves'and the powerful image of the naked mole rat thoughts.You have manged to construct a reasonable poem from a cheap tawdry wordle.
A common unadorned heart by its nature is not devious and is worthy of love, I agree.
This of course applies to neither of us whose common rat mole thoughts could dig a tunnel from here to whoopsville.
Rosetta Ragtime
@Richard I think there's a superficial culture, pushed by corporate dollars, which gets worshiped in our society at the expense of the really vital stuff taking place in obscurity. Of course, being obscure, that may be a self-serving interpretation :).
@Viv You never know what a wordle might provoke, and this one suggested some strange stuff to me :).
@Mike Lately I've been trying to distill the images down, but I'll go through another wordy period soon I'm sure.
@Rosetta Part of a poet's job is to elevate the tawdry, but don't underestimate the poor Wordle, it has its charms. I don't know that there is such a thing in nature as a "common, unadorned heart" but I'll keep searching for it (blindly).
Francis, you had me from the opening line. Nicely crafted poem with some difficult words. Though it is cynical, I believe you nailed it with
"This blissful abyss we share glows,
gaudy-full if unfulfilling"
Thanks for visiting my new site, and for the encouragement:)
Pamela
Definitely a pointed and thought-provoking poem, Francis. Unique use of the wordle.
Pamela, I'll be back soon to see how your site's progressing.
Thanks, Traci.
Francis, The blissful abyss we share, we create. We rub its inky underbelly, encouraging it to entice us with the false power of bullets.
"...it's always facing West." I think there must be a mirror it loves over there.
~Brenda
I love ur use of words. Power, then deft touch, a tug of war, a prfect balance. Well written. Hard hitting, but a great read.
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